About a year and a half ago I was sitting on my couch reading the book the conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabari. I was reading this book because it had been hammered into my consciousness by life. Several people had mentioned it to me, but I always wrote it off, cause who has time to start (and never finish) yet another parenting book? I got the gist of parenting anyway. I was listening to Janet Lansburys podcast and felt pretty confident I was broken. She basically asserts that with a shift in perspective I could stop all my yelling and love my daughter again. Except I couldn’t. Our relationship had gotten really bad. She would do all these things to purposely make me soooooo angry that I would scream at her. She was 3. And logically, way deep down, I knew that she wasn’t purposely being terrible, she was just being three. But most days I thought she was the spawn of the devil. Anyway, to sum up, I’d heard the information, I just couldn’t see how it applied to my life. Then one day, while feeling exhausted after a hard day pa-renting I somehow (to this day I don’t know how) stumbled on Oprahs Super Soul Sundays. I started watching one and it happened to be about parenting. Great! Just what I was hoping to escape. But after a few moments things got a little nutty. The woman talking with Oprah made some strange claims. She said things like “we are not in control of our children”. “children are their own souls” “we shouldn’t enroll our children in activities before they are 8 or 10”. And I thought, this woman is crazy…who is she? She must not have kids. As you may be guessing, the woman Oprah was interviewing was Dr. Shefali Tsbari and yes the author of the book my therapist had been recommending for at least 3 years. “It must be a sign!” I giggled (cause I don’t want to believe that the universe is intelligent) and I Amazoned the book.
However thats only where the story started to get strange. When I started reading the Conscious Parent it was describing for me all these things that I had heard over and over and over but never fully grasped. She spoke about the Ego and how it functions for us. How we largely float through life unable to really take charge of our emotions. How we get triggered by our children and blame them for our emotions. How we are unwilling to see our children as unique and amazing, but hope to mold and shape them into whoever we want. How we label children as bad and wrong when we don’t like their behaviors. It was like the world was being torn open and I was drinking it in for the first time. I felt tingly. And I don’t get tingly. I randomly reached out to my best friend from preschool and asked her if she had ever read the book. And she called me up and said wow…I’ve been awakened too. The next few days I was able to take in the world around me with a new lens. I listened to the lyrics of songs I had heard a million times and somehow, it was as if I had never really heard what they were saying. Everyone I spoke to had something deep and meaningful to say. I connected with almost everyone. Slowly that feeling faded, but many of the lessons I learned I’ve tried to hold on to.
And since my “waking up” or “awakening” I’ve wondered how to continue my journey while also translating this into my work as a nutrition professional. The short answer is that there are so many parallels to healing ones relationship with food while also healing the relationship with the soul that one will most certainly cause the other with time. “But what could I do? How can I help?” I thought. This has become my calling (I think? I hope!) and the direction I would like to take this. If you’re up for it, I’d like to navigate the space between expert and amateur. I’d like to check my Ego (learn more about the Ego here) and in place of it be completely vulnerable. Of course I’m concerned you’ll write me off as someone who doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but I’m willing to risk it. Because maybe instead I’ll make some new discoveries. Maybe I’ll stir the pot. Perhaps I’ll promote someone else’s awakening…or at the very least I’ll expand my understanding and continue my journey toward greater consciousness.